Humor & Everyday Life
TURN THE HEATER OFF!
A motorist reportedly loaded about forty cold-stunned iguanas into a vehicle with barbecue in mind. Then the heater came on — and “cold-stunned” turned out to be very different from “dead.”
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An unusual story Following the Florida cold A motorist reportedly found About forty cold-stunned Iguanas Forty Approximately He believed they were dead And loaded them into his vehicle All of them Apparently Why Barbecue I'm sorry Barbecue There are several questions We're going to answer None of them Forty-ish iguanas Stiff as boards Lying there quiet In the Florida cold Big ones Little ones Tails everywhere One in the back Two in the back Three-four-five-six In the back Seven-eight-nine How big is this car Ten-eleven-twelve Keep 'em coming Thirteen-fourteen Move that tail Fifteen-sixteen Who put one in the front Eventually About forty There Perfect Forty-ish cold-stunned Iguanas Packed up for the ride Quiet as can be Not a twitch inside Brrrrr It's cold I need to warm it up in here Ahhh That's better In the back seat One little toe Twitch One little claw Scratch One eyelid Opens Another toe Twitch Another eye Blink Another claw Scratch Number seventeen Has apparently Reconsidered death Number six moves a leg Number twenty-three Lifts his head Number thirty-one Where am I And number forty Who turned on summer Heater's blowing Warmer Legs are working Warmer Eyes are opening Warmer One stands up What was that Oh Oh, no No no no no Turn the heater off Turn the heater off The dinner's Coming back to life Turn the heater off There's a lizard On your right One on the dashboard Get it off One on the headrest Get it off Something went Underneath the seat Where'd it go Nobody knows Twenty are moving Thirty are moving Thirty-seven are having A complete resurrection They have risen Wrong song They have risen Stop helping One in the footwell One by the window Claws on upholstery Tails in the air Driver's trying to steer With dinosaurs Everywhere One on the dash Two on the floor Three in the back Here come four more Five by the window Six by his head I thought you were dead Surprise For viewers just joining us The iguanas Were not dead How many are awake now Yes Yes what Yes Turn the heater off The back seat's moving Turn the heater off The floor has claws Turn the heater off There's one Beside your shoulder Why are there so many You put them there That is not helpful But it is accurate Dear Lord I realize now There may have been A flaw In my plan Several flaws Many flaws Approximately Forty flaws One on the dashboard One by the pedals One on the console One by the door One behind his shoulder Three across the floor Tails Claws Scales Eyes About forty former entrees Fully alive Turn the heater off The vehicle crashed And the iguanas The account says They all got away So approximately forty went in Correct He warmed up Approximately forty Correct Crashed his car Correct And ended with No iguanas Correct How was the barbecue Cancelled Turn the heater off Too late now Turn the heater off They've all got out Forty-ish went in Forty-ish Zero came home Zero Car needs a tow Oh no Dinner escaped There it goes Forty-ish in Forty-ish out Car goes crash Iguanas scatter Did we learn anything Turn The Heater Off What should you do If you find about forty Cold-stunned iguanas Not that Definitely not that
Behind the story
Why This Song Exists
“TURN THE HEATER OFF!” may be one of the finest examples on this album of a Florida plan that made sense right up until it absolutely did not. The reported story at the center of this song involves about forty cold-stunned iguanas collected after a cold snap. The plan reportedly involved food. More specifically: barbecue. The iguanas were loaded into a vehicle while they were still cold and largely immobile. Then the heater came on. That is where biology reentered the conversation. Cold-stunned iguanas are not necessarily dead. As their body temperature rises, they can recover movement and become active again. So the vehicle did not contain about forty permanently motionless future dinner plans. It contained about forty reptiles gradually warming up inside an enclosed space. The reported incident escalated into chaos, a crash, and the iguanas escaping. And because Florida apparently believed one version of this lesson was not enough, there is a separate reported incident involving roughly twenty iguanas reviving inside another heated vehicle. Those are two different stories. We keep them that way. The song takes the roughly-forty-iguana incident and turns the warming process into the musical engine: the arrangement wakes up as the reptiles do until everything becomes gloriously unmanageable. The revival is real. The vehicle chaos is real. The failed barbecue plan is real. What it sounds like when approximately forty bad decisions warm up at the same time? That belongs to the song.
Why This Sound
The whole record is built around escalation: every warming iguana adds more motion until the car is full of revived reptiles and the arrangement itself is nearly out of control. Theatrical rock gives the story structure; klezmer-punk gives the catastrophe its frantic final gear.
- Collection
- Chicken of the Trees
- Sound
- Theatrical Rock · Klezmer Punk
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