Humor & Everyday Life
Iguana vs. Bicycle
In 2020, an iguana darted into the path of a bicyclist in Marathon, Florida, became lodged in the front wheel and sent the rider over the handlebars. “Iguana vs. Bicycle” lets Florida physics take it from there.
Read Lyrics Hide Lyrics
One! Two! One-two-three-four! Mile marker fifty point five Morning down in Marathon Crane Point by the highway Another island day rolls on Southbound on the bicycle path Rolling easy, feeling fine Nothing weird Nothing moving Which in Florida means Give it time No hurricane No traffic jam No reason to expect A dinosaur in your front wheel next! One second there's a bicycle One second there's some grass One second there's an iguana Coming out of there fast! No warning! No signal! No time to change the plan! Green flash across the pathway And now physics takes the case! And somewhere up on the Sawgrass One Florida woman would've yelled Don't you cross! Yeah He didn't get that chance Iguana versus bicycle! Who's gonna win?! Iguana versus bicycle! This will not end well! Wrong place! Wrong second! Wrong wheel to wander through! One minute you're riding Marathon Next minute you're airborne too! Tire! Fork! Iguana! Lock! Tire! Fork! Iguana! Lock! Handlebars! Asphalt! That went bad Really fast Now here's the part that's beautiful Florida has a gift For putting ridiculous events Exactly where they fit Of all the paths in Marathon All the places this could've been The iguana picked the bicycle path Right by the nature scene Crane Point Nature trails Tropical hammock Butterflies And right out front Iguana versus bicycle Because apparently Florida believes in thematic consistency Inside Native Florida Butterflies among the blooms Outside One less iguana Having a very bad afternoon And somewhere in the butterfly garden Every flower breathed relief Save the flowers! Okay That's probably not what happened But they do eat flowers Iguana versus bicycle! Mile marker fifty point five! Iguana versus bicycle! Welcome to Marathon! Green flash! Front wheel! Over the bars you go! There wasn't even time to yell Don't! You! Cross! Now hold up The rider got hurt Cuts and scrapes Head Arms Legs Stitches too Fishermen's Hospital Stable Good Because that part Wasn't funny for him But now There is one remaining question What about the iguana? Well The Monroe County Sheriff's Office Actually addressed that Rider? Stable Iguana? According to the sheriff's office The condition of the iguana Did not appear as stable That is an official sentence Florida wrote the punchline for us Iguana versus bicycle! Nobody wants that fight! Iguana versus bicycle! Wrong place! Wrong time! Mile marker fifty point five Crane Point got the show One little warning would've helped Don't! You! Cross! Don't you cross! Iguana versus bicycle! Don't you cross! Iguana versus bicycle! Don't you cross! You know The lady on the Sawgrass Tried to tell you
Behind the story
Why This Song Exists
“Iguana vs. Bicycle” is another one where Florida handed me the story already assembled. In 2020, a 62-year-old Marathon man was riding south on the bicycle path in front of Crane Point Hammock in the Florida Keys. According to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office, an iguana darted out from the grassy median and into his path. The animal became lodged between the bicycle’s front tire and wheel fork. The front wheel locked. The rider went over the handlebars and onto the asphalt. He suffered cuts and scrapes to his head, arms and leg, needed stitches, and was taken to Fishermen’s Hospital in stable condition. That is the factual story. No invented pileup is necessary. No fictional chase scene. No heroic reptile getaway. One bicycle. One badly timed iguana. A few seconds of Florida physics. There is also an intentional album callback here. Earlier on Chicken of the Trees, “Iguana Interstate” is my firsthand story of driving the Sawgrass Expressway while mentally begging a giant iguana not to move into my lane. Track 9 answers the obvious question: What happens when there isn’t time to negotiate? The official report has one more detail that is almost too perfectly Florida. I’m saving that for the song.
Why This Sound
The premise is sudden, physical and over in seconds, so the music should not linger. Fast pop-punk gives the bicycle story the kinetic snap of an impact sequence and lets the mechanical TIRE-FORK-IGUANA-LOCK rhythm hit like percussion.
- Collection
- Chicken of the Trees
- Sound
- Pop-Punk
Your story can be fun too
Some stories deserve to make people laugh.
Turn an inside joke, everyday victory, or unforgettable moment into an original story people will want to replay.
Listener reflections
What this story brought up for listeners
If this song reminds you of someone, brings back a memory, or gives you words for something meaningful, you can share a short reflection for review.
How did this story reach you?
Choose any response that feels true.
0 approved reflections
No reflections have been published yet.