Humor & Everyday Life
Dinosaur Brawl
I pulled into a Plantation medical complex behind Broward Mall and found several enormous iguanas already engaged in a full ground-level melee. “Dinosaur Brawl” is the true South Florida moment when the local wildlife suddenly looked prehistoric.
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Still pretty new to Florida Medical complex Behind Broward Mall Pull into a parking space Car goes into park Nothing unusual Then I look Through the windshield What I'd seen iguanas Little guys Maybe a couple feet But these How the hell Did they get that big?! Five feet Six feet Huge green bodies Giant tails Claws I can see Through the windshield What?! Oh my God Then one tears through the dirt Another dives into the pile Mouths open Bodies thrashing Grass ripping Dust in the air They're tearing the shit Out of each other What the fuck Is going on?! Dinosaur brawl! Dinosaur brawl! Right outside my car! Dinosaur brawl! How'd they get that large?! Dirt up! Grass down! Big green bodies Thrashing all around! One breaks out! Another dives in! Dinosaur brawl! At that moment Green iguana Was not the phrase Going through my head Fucking dinosaurs was This wasn't two lizards Having an argument One breaks left! Where's that bastard going?! Two scatter! Another dives in! Where's that one going?! Mouths open! Claws out! Dirt cloud rolling! Some are fighting! Some are fleeing! Nobody sent me The fucking seating chart! This is a whole damn melee! Run! Thrash! Tail! Claw! Run! Thrash! Tail! Claw! And I'm still In the parking space! Here's what nobody explained You hear iguana You picture Lizard Nobody says Oh, by the way Some of them get Dinosaur big Five feet doesn't sound enormous Until five feet of reptile Moves Six feet doesn't sound enormous Until six feet of reptile Comes through a dirt cloud With its mouth open They say they grow 'em big in Texas Apparently Florida Grows the dinosaurs Good to know Would've been nice In the brochure I'm from Montana Grizzly bear? I know the rules! Moose? I know the rules! Wildlife? Give it room Know what you're looking at I have a rulebook But six feet Of pissed-off green dinosaur Breaking out of a reptile melee Beside my parking space? What are the fucking rules?! Does it run? Does it climb? Does it bite? Does it Scurry?! Is that bastard Gonna scurry at me?! Because six feet of iguana Scurrying in my direction? Fuck that Click Click I know how to deal with a bear! This isn't the Everglades This isn't a wildlife park This is a medical complex Behind Broward Mall Doctors Patients Parking spaces Landscaped pond And outside the doctor's office The Cretaceous Period Is tearing up The landscaping Somewhere inside A nurse is probably saying Try to reduce your stress Good luck with that I looked it up later Science has a calm little phrase Agonistic behavior That's adorable I was behind the windshield Mouths open Claws out Bodies thrashing Dirt in the air You can call it Agonistic behavior I call it A fucking Dinosaur Brawl! Then you see the rest The pond The bank The holes The den Big ones Smaller ones Females Young ones This isn't one giant lizard Having a bad afternoon There are So many of them A whole established world Behind a medical complex In Broward County I was new They weren't They're not movie monsters They're not special effects They're not behind glass They're living here By the pond In the bank In the grass Beside the parking lot In Plantation, Florida These are Dragons With a zip code Dinosaur brawl! Dinosaur brawl! Right outside my car! Dinosaur brawl! Florida grows 'em large! Mouths open! Claws showing! Dust cloud rolling All around! One runs out! Another dives in! Dinosaur brawl! Dirt up! Grass down! Dragons with a zip code! No cages! No movie set! Just another afternoon In Broward At the dinosaur brawl! My appointment's in there Dinosaurs are out here Click The car is currently Iguana free I'm gonna need a minute After the dust settles The pond is still there The medical complex Is still there And the iguanas? They're still here too In the grass By the water In the bank That's when it hits me They weren't visiting They lived here I'd been in Florida Maybe two years Those bastards already Had a neighborhood And nobody put Parking-lot dinosaur brawl In the Welcome to Florida brochure Welcome to Florida We've got an iguana problem
Behind the story
Why This Song Exists
“Dinosaur Brawl” is one I saw with my own eyes. I was still fairly new to Florida when I pulled into a medical complex behind Broward Mall in Plantation, parked the car and looked through the windshield. And my brain basically stopped cooperating. There were multiple enormous green iguanas already fighting on the ground around the pond, bank and den area. Not little lizards. Huge ones. Bodies thrashing. Tails moving. Dirt and grass getting torn up. Animals breaking out of the melee and diving back in. I had seen iguanas before. I had not seen this. The size descriptions in the song are my eyewitness recollection and reaction, not a scientific field measurement. I did not step into the middle of an iguana brawl with a tape measure. I stayed in the car. That seemed like the intelligent option. The thing that stuck with me was the scale of it. These animals were so large, and the whole scene was so chaotic, that “dinosaur brawl” was about the only useful phrase my brain could come up with. And the setting made it even more absurd. Medical offices. Parking lot. Landscaped pond. Normal suburban South Florida. Then, right outside the windshield, the Cretaceous Period appears to be tearing up the landscaping. I did not invent the brawl. I just happened to arrive while it was already underway. And that was the moment I really understood that these animals were not visiting Florida. They lived here.
Why This Sound
This is the Disc One scale explosion: an ordinary parking lot suddenly looks prehistoric. Cinematic action-funk lets the track feel enormous enough for a ground brawl full of giant reptiles while the funk motion keeps the eyewitness comedy alive inside the spectacle.
- Collection
- Chicken of the Trees
- Sound
- Cinematic · Action Funk
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